New Years Day

Associated Press, 12/31/05: "Bono Says Campaigning Caused Tension in U2"

The Onion, 12/7/05: "Rest of U2 Perfectly Fine With Africans Starving"

Looks like The Onion has shown its prescience again, three weeks ahead of the curve as compared to the MSM. Can you guess which excerpts come from which source without peeking?

1) Rock star Bono said Saturday that his commitment to campaigning against poverty caused tensions within U2. The musician said that at one point he feared his commitment to the anti-poverty cause might force him out of the band.

2) Bassist Adam Clayton, while "not opposed" to Bono's tireless efforts to improve the quality of life for impoverished Third World citizens, is apparently too busy to spearhead an anti-poverty initiative of his own.

3) "When Bono starts telling the audience how messed up the world can be and how we should work together to make things better, I usually just zone out," Mullen said.

4) Bono acknowledged that his campaigning had sometimes "raised eyebrows" among his fellow band members. "When I do my rant on making poverty history, I have got Larry Mullen, our drummer, behind me looking at his watch, timing me," he said.

5) "If I could wave a magic wand and cure Africa's problems, I would do that," drummer Larry Mullen Jr. said. "But someone has to take care of the more practical, day-to-day stuff that Bono doesn't really bother with. Like, for example, how's the next album going to sound? How're we going to keep our live act fresh? I can't tell you how many millions of decisions go into making one Elevation tour."

6) "So we have to be very careful about just letting me [Bono] go too far."

7) Clayton added: "I don't have a problem with [Bono] trying to save Africa... ...[b]ut just as long as it doesn't interfere with the band."